One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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