So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
