don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
