My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize