I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
