I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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