First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
