you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
