Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
