No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
