Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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