WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
