I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
