I like my sex mixed with concussions.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize