I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I will be naked everywhere
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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