Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
