it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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