in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
