i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
