My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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