he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
