cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No subtext here. People are naked.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Randomize
