Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
