its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
