the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
