areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
