hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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