I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
