apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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