yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize