i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Small penises have feelings too.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
