genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
