you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
zippers are such a cool invention
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize