i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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