I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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