You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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