good thing vaginas are great cup holders
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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