The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They have beer where we have blood.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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