Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
