If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
