I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
