it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
