What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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