you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
