Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
BRING THE BAGELS
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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