College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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