There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
