would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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