No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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