One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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