she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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