We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize