I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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