the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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