I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
