Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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