you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
