This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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