Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
