Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
