I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
