We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
