At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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