what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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