yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
