I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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