I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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