I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
