One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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