Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
