I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Pants are for mortals
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
