Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
