he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
