She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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