I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize