That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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